Romance in Solitude
Why I Take Myself Out
The year I turned 21, I promised myself I would go on 21 solo dates. In a world dominated by trends, cores, lores whatever you want to call it, you can lose sight of what you like. There is a difference between your favourite colour and the colour of the season. There is a difference between your dream country to visit and the most Instagrammable locations in Europe. The question is, do you know what that difference is? Do you know what your personal preferences are, what you believe in, what you stand for?
If you have realised that at some point in time you have forgotten, don’t worry. It’s never too late to get to know yourself. Go to a shop and try on clothes that your algorithm hasn’t picked for you. Go to a bookshop and select your next read that isn’t on the TikTok famous list. Go to a restaurant and order as much or as little as you’d like. Take a bus ride and look up from your phone during your journey. That’s how kids discover themselves. By doing, by seeing. They don’t have the distractions that we have which may be why they can confidently believe that they can be an astronaut and a president at the same time.
At some point in our life, we forgot who we are. We got rid of our values and preferences so that we can fit into the mould of whatever is trending right now. As deep as it sounds, you may have created a socially acceptable version of you—but do you even like yourself?
One of the latest trends is to share your experience having coffee with your younger self. But when is the last time you sat with your present self? Do you even know what she looks like? What does she like to have for dinner, what is her favourite colour, what does she value right now? Or has it been so long since you have spoken that you think it’s weird to meet up with this stranger. Don’t just have conversations with your younger self, telling her to believe in herself and she’ll be okay, if you know your future self will have to have the same conversation with present you in 10 years’ time.
As a society, it seems we are always either obsessed with the future or nostalgic about the past. Where is the fan club for the present? I like to do stuff my future self will thank me for, but I also am incorporating spontaneous things my present self will love.
Guidelines for solo dates
No last-minute cancellations: Treat this as a real rendezvous that you actually value.
Be on time: If you can’t even rely on yourself, why would anyone else?
Dress up nice: Put in effort for yourself. The clothes are there, and every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Talk to yourself: You can do this in whatever way you’d like. I prefer journaling and talking my thoughts out loud into a voice recorder on my phone. Make sure you are using this time to actually get to know yourself.
I hope this has encouraged you to get to know yourself. The person you were in primary school, secondary school, college, or even the start of uni is very different from who you are now. You are amazing—you just need to take the time to realise.
