Nothing went as planned
How my final project is going
It’s hard to write about anything besides my final project because it is really all I am thinking about right now. When I am asked “How is it going”, all I can reply with is “it’s going”. I am in love with my final project, it is very precious to me, but it has taken me on a crazy journey that I could not have predicted or planned for. So here is a short summary of how it’s going.
It is Monday 12th May and my final project is due Thursday 15th May. I am writing this in the library at uni during a mini break I carved out for myself on a study day – my last study at uni.
In terms of the project, we’re doing good, great even. But boy oh boy did it take a while to get here. I cannot possibly count the number of to-do lists I made, spreadsheets planning out my time, and schedules to try and stay on track, but something always seemed to come up and force me to start another list.
With three days to go, I am finally in a good place. This project has quite a few different elements: the actual project, the research file for the project, and a reflective essay. This looks so cutesy and simple when written like this, but each of those sections has its own empire-sized tasks.
This project has taught me to give myself grace and time.
It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you can be quite tyrannical towards yourself. I can’t be telling myself to stay up until 2am to study, then get up at 7am without having a single break, decent meal, or “Well done”. I wouldn’t do this to anyone else, so it’s crazy how I could do it to myself.
One thing that has completely changed my routine for the better is grabbing my Bible before my laptop. It reminds me that even though this uni assignment is important, it’s not THE MOST important thing. It reminds me that time is a gift and should be truly appreciated, not just claimed.
One thing many don’t factor in is the emotional and mental turmoil the end of university brings. I remember hearing many people reflecting on the number of breakdowns they had when doing their final project, and I genuinely couldn't fathom why. Were they not happy with the work? Were they afraid they wouldn't have enough time? Did something unexpected come up? Now that I am on that section of my journey, I can testify that it is that and then some.
The thing about emotions is, you can’t actually suppress them. That’s something I have had to learn the hard way. You can try to compartmentalize them, store them up in a cup until you are ready to deal with them. But the thing is, we will never be ready, so it starts to spill. Unintentionally and uncontrollably. You can be in the library, on the train, at work, and those unprocessed emotions will make a guest appearance in your day.
In all honesty, with three days to go until submission, I am still trying to suppress emotions. Between the magnitude of the work, the future nostalgia of leaving uni, and the upcoming conversations of “What my plans are after uni,” there is a lot to process. I am, however, giving myself permission to take it one day at a time. Worry will change nothing. Those questions will be there for me to deal with tomorrow; why waste time trying to solve a problem before having all the necessary information?
If you are reading this and are at the same stage, I see you. Whatever cocktail of emotions you are drinking, savor it. The negative ones won’t last, and the positive ones will carry you through. Wishing you the best 🫶🏾
